Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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