youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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