Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
