The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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