At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
