his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
