I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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