I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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