i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
