I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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