At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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