I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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