Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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