He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
