He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
