dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
bring money and cleavage
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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