I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
