his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
