He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
