I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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