dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
