I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
