He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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