Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
