dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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