he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
