i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
