thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
