I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
