i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize