Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
