Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
