make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
