**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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