get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
