If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
