Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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