I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
