we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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