gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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