she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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