I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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