Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
