you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
