I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize