Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
