Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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