i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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