i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
