Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I just put wine in my tea
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
