if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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