Please, let me fuck your mom
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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