How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
