You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
