if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
