if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
