just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize