just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
