At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
