remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
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so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.