just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
