Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
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I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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