And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
