big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
