His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
