Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
