im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
