so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
