idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
