Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
