SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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