he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
