I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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