Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
