I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
