My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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